I found out the truth finally...he has been dating gals out (nt sure is it in a group or single date) and giving them rides on his bike. Yeah it may b jus a small matter to some bt definitely nt to me. We both hve a mutual understanding right frm e beginning tt we dun like e other party to go out w e opp sex...bt nw he is dng so bt wat is his reason nw??? So long he knw his own limit i shld let him do things he wans...bt cme on, we both knew right frm e beginning wat can b done n wat cannot b done, he used to say he knws wat to do (wil nv do things i dun like) n tt y i used to trust him alot bt nw he is nt saying tis, he nw says "so long i knw my limits, u let me do it then everything wil b fine" Wat e fuck lor, its 2 totally diff person. If he is like tt in e 1st place, i wld nt hve
been together w him nt to say settle dwn w him n hve a family.
Nw he even say al tis argument happen al tis while is cos i care too much, i shld hve let go alot of things then life wil b gd...yeah...let go...which means let him do watever he wans. "U listen to me n u wil gt wat u wan" he said tis when i complain he dun go out w me at al...tell me, who can tolerate??? Useless to tell his aunt cos his aunt wil jus ask me "close 1 eye" cos she use dto b in my shoes, she understand hw i feel. If only im those kind, can close 1 eye bt too bad im nt n he knws bt yt he stil do it cos to him so long its nt wrong he wil do it regardless hw i feel or wat i tnk...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Today is the 17th of June, 2009. Tis marks e day where he actually helps me see is there a future between us. Its really a blessing in disuise as in i did nt apply for any flats yet cos i knw tis marriage of mine is nt gonna wk out in anyway...everyone askes me to hold on cos he wil chg bt its a bullshit....he knws im holding on n wil nt let go tt y he is actually marching in whereas im actually taking a step bk each time...he is afraid to lose his frens and fun bt nv once is he afraid to lose me or tis so-called family of his.
I will nv forget tis day cos he help me cme to a decision of whether to hold on or to let go, guess tis is wat he wans al along, well, he gt it finally.
Jus as i was saying, there wil b a 3rd time he nt returning hme....YEAH!!! Im rite again =) 2 days ago, he say he might nt b hme tonight cos his fren wedding n he is e bro so he might b drunk. i told him straight in e face tt im nt happy (even i nd nt tell he knws frm my attitude im unhappy) so wat he knws or o tell him cos he wil stil do it...is tis e way to tell ,e tt he love me??? If u love me, will u do something tt i dun like??? "If u keep doing things tt i dun like, tis r/s is gone" sounds familiar??? Well...tis quote is frm him during our past 1 yr of r/s. E only diff is tt i am e 1 telling him tis.
So wat if it is his "bro" wedding??? I nv say he cant attend, i nv say he cant stay late, i nv say he cant drink....al i ask for is he dun spend e nite outside, am i too much??? He say his frens dun allow him to go hme, wans him stay n accompany them play poker. Wat kind of frens is he having??? They or rather some of them knw we r having probs n i dun allow or like him staying away frm hme b it watever reason...r they true frens if they knw e couple is having probs yt stil ask e other nt to go bk early. I truly believe, no 1 wil tnk they r true frens bt he tnk they r his "bros", true frens. He will rather mk us argue n mk things between us even worst than cme hme for e nite...tis is his way of telling me he love me, wan tis family, wan tis marriage to wk out. He knws tt i dun trust him anymore due to his nt coming hme previous 2 times n instead of inproving things, he continue to destroy things further.
Tis is my 2nd marriage n i really wan things wk out tt y i keep giving in to his request bt i dun see him dng anything to improve things...i hve push myself to e limit of giving in n believing his unreasonable excuses n reasons, wat more he wans??? Does he wans me to leave then he wil b happy at least im e 1 wanting to leave, he nd nt tk any responsibility cos im e 1 intiating. Is tis my retribution??? For being rebellious last time, for being stubborn n wilful. Everyone ask me t to hold on to him n tis marriage cos he wil chg 1 dae...when wil it be??? I only see him testing my patience each time with new things...im really falling apart, really falling apart...Can someone tell me wat shld i do??? Y do i ever love such a person??? Y did he chg after marriage??? Is he nt suitable for marriage n tis is his way of letting me knw???
I really miss e past him, really miss e past him, e times we used to have during e past 1 yr...i miss e times so much tt it hurts...i wanna go bk to e time when i was a child, whereby my parents wil shield me frm al hurt n unpleasant things...nw im left to fend for myself, to fend for my kids...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Problems after problems....am i being petty or jus tt he is trying to test my patience???
On Wed, he did nt return hme AGAIN, YES, AGAIN for the 2nd time. We had an argument few daes before and tis time his reason is tt he is drunk n slept outside (Nt fren place). As per e 1st time, he did nt tell me he gng out after wk, at 12 plus when he is stil nt hme yt, i knew he is out. As usual, i did nt bother him as in calling him or rather cos we had an argument before. At 530 am , he is stil nt hme yt, i called him bt he nv pick up my call, i called till 7am....in between tt , i called a few of his frens n 2 of them say is nt w him while i call e other, nv pick up my call..i knew instantly they r together. At 7am, i call his mobile again, tis time its his fren who pick up. Said that he is drunk and is sleeping 1 side (i nv bother to ask where). I threaten them only then he tried calling me bk n return hme. I was too disappointed and angry to stay hme for him, i went out alone....to cool myself dwn.
Y y y??? Tis is e 2nd time he nv cme hme n wanted me to trust him. Hw u wan me to trust when same thing happen for e 2nd time. I already forced myself to trust for e 1st time, nw u wan me do it e 2nd time....trust me, there will b a 3rd time coming. Given my character last time, u shld knw i can nv trust for e 1st time bt i did cos i wan save tis marriage...nw u wan a 2nd time...arent u testing my patience n limit???
Everyone knws something is wrong w tis marriage bt yt they kep asking u out often...n u agreeing w/o hesitation. I guess they will only b satisfied n happy when tis marriage broke dwn...of cos i cant blame them totally....if a cow does nt drink water, no matter hw u tried to push its head dwn, it jus wont go dwn....
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
It seem tt problems r always ard me...on sat, his "bro" broke off with e gf whom happen to be his so called "sister"....its nt like its her 1st time in love lor or break up lor....calling up at 5am, lucky we r nt asleep yt. They talk for for a long time..at least 30 mins. 1st he talk to her in the rm then proceed to kitchen, as i needed to use e toilet, i went outside, within seconds, e came into the rm while i was in e toilet n when i came bk, he step out again...WTF!!!!!!! Finally they hang up, he told me "Jus nw hor serena ask wil u be angry tt she cal so late n talk to me leh, i told her u wil nt lor". Ha, in e 1st place if u afraid i wil be unhappy, y did u call??? U already finished talking to her, wat more can i say??? So wat even if im unhappy??? Did e 2 of u consider my feelings???
Mayb its the 6th sense of a woman, i knew he will b gng out on mon nite to mt frens although he had nt told me yt...indeed im right...at abt 10pm , they called to cnf e place n time. He ask me after hanging up e phone "Do u wan go w me?" I reply "Its u nowadays who does nt include me in ur activities nt i wan to go or nt" He did nt reply n proceed to change, after changing, he ask "Hmm...tk cab very ex hor n u cannot ride bike leh, hw huh?" i kept quiet n he keep asking "hw huh hw huh" I gt fed up "U jus wan an ans frm me tt i dun wan to go, rite?" He smiled. WTF lor!!!!!!!
Reason he gv is tt they go drinking, ltr ppl knock into me then hw, they smoke n drink alcohol nt nice i tag along...FUCK YOU, MR ALBERT WANG. Its nt like i dun knw hw to tk care of myself or cant u tk care of me then, aren't u telling me u wan enjoy n find me a burden to bring me along. Anyway he went off w/o me.
Im so sick of al tis frm him lor....i actually started to let go of his timing of returning hme n gng out although im stil a bit unhappy... i mean i needed time to really let go, rite, cant forced me to jus in an overnight. I was super pissed of cos he like toying w me lor n e reasons he gv is super lame lor. Im so afraid...i feel i no longer hve those special feelings for him anymore whenever i tnk of al e words he used on me n e way he is treating me nw....im so tired, really so tired....at times, jus gt e urge to leave him once n for all n start my life anew bt then again...i can't cos we r MARRIED....nt jus DATING. He is nt like tt de lor when we r dating....if i knew he is like tt during dating, i will nt b w him in e 1st place let alone start a family w him...feel so cheated....
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I realise something...he talk to his "sister" almost everyday, am i jealous???? i dun knw...jus tt do u hve e nd to talk to ur "sister" everyday???? When they talk on the phone, its always like a min. of 30 mins. Of cos, i nv say anything...wat can i say??? The "sister" is his coll whom nw has become his buddy's gf. Seriously i jus dun like tt "sister" of his, i dun knw y...frm e 1st time i met her, i dun like her but of cos am willing to talk to her like normal bt jus tt do nt hve e "liking" towards her. Among al his gal frens, i hve nt really dislike any and i oso dun knw y bt jus dun hve e liking towards tis 1.
Well, todae is his off day during about lunch time, e "sister" called him n they talk for about 20-30 mins....jus wat the hell lor!!!! Must almost everyday talk de meh.
NVM NVM NVM, we went for lunch at Northpoint and then proceed to CWP buy his I-Phone n in e end cme bk hme for dinner. As usual, his "sister" called to gather a mtg up....pls lor, cant u spend some time w ur bf alone since u hve jus started a r/s....nt always gather ppl to mt up especially when u knw ur "bro" only hve limited off day and he hve his own family!!!!!!! Well...off he went out again w/o me, tis time e reason is they MIGHT b off to play games so he is nt bringing me along. Y cant he cnf w them over e phone where they r gng??? Y he cant let them knw if they r nt gng for game then he wan bring me along??? YYYYY???!!!
AGAIN, i hve to tolerate al tis on my own cos if i were to tell him any part of e above, i will b in e wrong again, i will b too petty again, i will be thinking anyhow again.
Monday, May 25, 2009
A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story:
If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent. This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, employer-employee relationship etc. Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully. It’s nice to be an important person, but it’s more important to be a nice person.
